When Women Gather

On Friendship, Care, and the Politics of Belonging

Friendsgiving vision boards

When women gather around a shared table, they do more than share food — they build community, confidence, and care in a world that often denies them space to rest and belong. The Belladonna Dinner Club is a testament to that quiet, radical act of connection: breaking bread as a form of resistance, and friendship as a kind of homecoming.

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When Taylor, one of my best friends, moved back to Northern Virginia in 2018 with a dream of starting a woman-focused dinner club, I was hesitant. I didn't have many female-identifying friends in my early to late twenties, not due to a lack of trying, but rather from bad experiences with former friends. Think Mean Girls, but less drama and cruelty– just the quiet cliquishness that too often overshadows female friendships. As Leora Tanenbaum notes in Catfight: Rivalries Among Women, the unease that can surface between women doesn’t come from who we are, but from what we’ve been taught to value. We grow up absorbing the idea that friendship is conditional — that there’s never quite enough attention, approval, or space for everyone. So when Taylor suggested building something deliberately different — a community grounded in inclusivity rather than competition and judgment — I wanted to believe it could work.

At first there were only six of us, and each dinner felt warm and intimate. Over the years, as the club expanded and added more members, we were able to maintain the same welcoming atmosphere that we had initially established. In 2021, I moved across the country, and for the first time in a long time, I found myself alone in a new city, with a new partner and very little support outside my partner and his family. I would watch longingly as the dinner club continued to grow and evolve into something more than just a group of friends gathering for a monthly potluck, desperately missing the connection and space that they provided.

In 2024, my partner and I moved back to Northern Virginia and temporarily stayed in my parents' already crowded house. After a tough first several months, Taylor convinced me to come to Friendsgiving at Star's house. When we arrived, the sound of laughter, discussion, and the clanging of silverware on plates met us at the door, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was finally home. 

Keeping the Table Set

When Taylor first imagined The Belladonna Dinner Club, she was living in Vermont, working long bakery hours, and struggling to meet women whose schedules aligned with hers. Most of her social life existed in the gaps between shifts — quick messages, a drink after work, the occasional “we should hang out” that never happened. One evening, while scrolling through Instagram over a solo glass of wine, she noticed other women posting similar photos: plates, candles, food meant to be shared but eaten alone.

“I realized we could be doing this together,” she says. “I wanted food to be part of it because it was already a massive part of my life. After doing some research, I developed the idea of creating a dinner club centered on sharing food and fostering a community and space where women can feel safe sharing their lives.”

Taylor envisioned the club as an open table — a space where women of all ages, backgrounds, and experiences could sit side by side and learn from one another. “If you identified as a woman, you were welcome,” she explains. The goal was never exclusivity but exchange: a place where stories and wisdom could pass hands as naturally as food.

That spirit carried over when she returned to Virginia. Before moving back, she floated the idea to her friends — could they revive The Belladonna Dinner Club in a new city? The answer was an immediate yes. What began as a small gathering of friends around a borrowed table has now become a seven-year tradition of shared meals, laughter, and solidarity.

But sustaining that kind of intimacy takes work. Star, one of the founding members, remembers the growing pains.

“Whenever you create a group like this that continues to grow, it requires a lot of consistency, and hosting shouldn't be left to just one person,” she says. "It became a lot easier when a consistent core group of women took turns hosting the dinner. ”

Star also acknowledges that growth brought reflection. “We try to be inclusive of everyone, but with longevity comes a type of exclusion that sometimes affects new members.  As someone who identifies as queer, it took my friend's trans girlfriend to point out that maybe the group isn't as inclusive as we want it to be.” she admits. “Creating a space that feels inclusive of all women can be a challenge. I continue to think about what we could do to make our space feel safer for someone who may not be cisgender.”

What It Means to Belong

Every member has a different story about how she found her way to The Belladonna Dinner Club.  For Alex, it was Star who first extended the invite. “My first dinner was at your mom’s house,” she laughs. “It was so warm and inviting. I felt like I’d known everyone for years.”

Amy was drawn in by the promise of vegan desserts and good company. “I hadn’t been in a women-only space in a long time,” she recalls. “I’m shy, so I worried I wouldn’t fit in — but everyone was so welcoming that I’ve been going ever since.”

Gigi echoes that feeling of surprise. “Large groups of women can sometimes feel intimidating,” she says. “But there was no competitiveness, no edge — just laughter. I remember thinking, I want to do this all the time.”

For Star, one of the founding members, the timing felt serendipitous. “I was in my late twenties and starting to ask what was next,” she says. “Being surrounded by women in different life stages made me feel grounded.”

Tatiana joined a little later, through Kate, after moving back to Virginia in 2019. “I was just excited to be around friends again,” she says.

When asked what they all share in common, Alex says: “We all believe in inclusivity. All women from different backgrounds, ages, careers, and sexualities are welcome. My favorite aspect of the dinner club is how unique each member is. We are a dynamic collective, and it's awesome because we can all be resources for each other in different aspects of life.”

Why Women’s Spaces Still Matter

Alex calls the group “a safe haven,” a place where women can have conversations specific to their needs and lean on one another when life tilts off balance. Amy agrees, noting that in American culture, “there are so many external pressures on women that impact our quality of life and our place in the world. Having a space where you don’t have to perform is special.”

For Gigi, the dinners offer a kind of quiet power. “They’re designed for vulnerability, growth, and healing — things that are hard to find elsewhere. There’s a strength that comes from women-focused spaces, a soft strength that stands in contrast to the masculine brute force of greater society.”

Kate sees that same openness as expansive: “It’s essential for women — anyone who identifies as a woman — to come together. I think we’d even welcome people who are more non-binary. It’s about existing together in a safe space.”

Bell Hooks once described homeplace as a “site of resistance” — a space where care itself becomes political. The Belladonna Dinner Club feels like that kind of space. Around a table crowded with food and laughter, women make a small rebellion against the forces that keep them exhausted, invisible, or divided. Hooks wrote that love and community were never distractions from the political struggle — they were the struggle. That’s what the Belladonnas practice each month: the quiet, radical work of making each other whole.

Breaking Bread, Building Bridges

As Judith Jordan and her co-authors remind us in The Healing Connection, women’s growth depends on “mutual empathy and mutual empowerment” — the kind of reciprocal care that turns ordinary relationships into lifelines. The Belladonna Dinner Club is that theory lived out loud: connection as medicine, friendship as survival.

Alex credits the club with changing her life’s trajectory. “The close relationships I’ve made here have helped me grow personally and professionally. When I started, I was single and unsure of my career path. Now I’m married and running my own business. That confidence came from being surrounded by women who reminded me not to settle.”

Amy agrees, describing the dinners as a mirror that helped her see herself more clearly. “It’s taught me to speak up and be more intentional — in work, in love, in everything. Watching other women navigate their challenges made me realize I wasn’t alone.”

Gigi joined before starting her bachelor’s degree and is now finishing her master’s. “So many milestones have happened with this group cheering me on,” she says. “It’s a community that makes you believe in yourself — like, you can go out there and get your dreams, get your bag.”

For Star, the club’s support was especially meaningful during her pregnancy and postpartum months. “Natasha’s birth story helped prepare me in ways I didn’t expect,” she says. “And the Bella-Mamas — the moms in the group — were incredible. Their honesty made me feel less alone.”

Tatiana’s experience has been both personal and professional. “It’s kept me close to my old friends while helping me make new ones,” she says. “And professionally, many of the Bellas come to my salon — their support means everything.”

Taylor’s takeaway is more introspective. “It’s taught me patience,” she says. “Some of the women I didn’t imagine becoming close with have ended up being my biggest supporters. And of course, since it’s a dinner club, I’ve tested countless recipes on everyone — it’s made me a better baker and helped me connect my work to my community.”

The Belladonnas often encourage others to create their own circles of care. It doesn’t have to be a dinner club; it might be a book group, a weekly walk, a shared project, or any ritual that makes space for connection. What matters is the intention to keep the table—whatever shape it takes—open and waiting for one another.

Each story folds into the next like a course in a meal, different flavors and shared nourishment. The Belladonna Dinner Club began as a simple idea, yet it has become something much larger: a reminder that when women gather, they do more than share food. They build the kind of world they want to live in.